Umorul de sambata dimineata

Pentru ca nu ma pot abtine, postez aici cateva glume putin mai feministe, daca pot zice asa. Neah.. dar nu mi-o luati in nume de rau :)))

Femeile despre Barbati

-De ce numai 10% din barbati se duc in Rai?
-Daca ar merge toti s-ar transforma in Iad.

-De ce barbatii indragesc femeile inteligente?
-Cei aflati in opozitie se atrag.

-Cum defineste un barbat o relatie "50/50"?
-Femeile gatesc - ei mananca. Femeile spala - ei murdaresc. Femeile Calca - ei sifoneaza.

-Ce a spus Dumnezeu dupa ce a creat barbatul?
-"Pot mai mult de atat!"

-Cum numesti un barbat cu jumatate de creier?
-Inzestrat.

-Ce poti sa-i dai unui barbat care are de toate?
-O femeie care sa-i arate "calea".

-Care este diferenta inte un barbat si Big Foot?
-Ultimul a fost zarit de cateva ori.

-De ce toate glumele cu blonde sunt scurte?
-Pentru ca barbatii sa le inteleaga.

-De ce Dumnezeu a creat barbatul inaintea femeii?
-Intotdeauna faci o schita inainte de o opera desavarsita.

-De ce paianjenul "Vaduva Neagra" isi omoara partenerul dupa imperechere?
-Pentru ca sa opreasca sforaitul inainte de aparitie.

-De ce barbatii au nevoie de reluari la transmisiile sportive?
-In 30 de secunde uita ce s-a intamplat.

-De ce sedintele de psihanaliza pentru barbati sunt mai scurte?
-Cand se intorc in copilarie, ei sunt deja acolo


Acum si cateva dovezi a superioritatii femeilor in engleza dintr-un articol .. eu zic de umor :p ( Sursa )

Satan had to employ all of his intelligence to convince Eve, but for Adam a simple order "Eat it!" was sufficient.

Man occupies an intermediate position between animals and angels. Who look more like angels, men or women! Any further comment is superfluous.

Definitii

Azi am citit un mail cu o serie de definitii extraordinar de frumos formulate. Poate unii stiu acest mail, dar pentru cei ce nu l-au vazut/citit sper sa aduca un zambet pe buze, un moment de relaxare, mai ales acum la sfarsit de saptamana.

... desigur as vrea sa stiu si care este definitia care place cel mai mult :D


Prostia e mai putin densa decat inteligenta. De aceea e tot timpul deasupra.
E mai usor sa faci copii, decat oameni.
Unii merg la biserica in speranta ca Dumnezeu verifica prezenta.
Inainte de a negocia cu lupul, pune-i botnita.
Coincidenta este felul lui Dumnezeu de a ramane anonim.
Deosebim doua tipuri de pedepse: cu moartea si cu viata.
Incearca sa definesti nimicul. Vei avea nevoie de multe cuvinte.
Mediocrul se simte bine intre spirite marunte. E singurul loc unde pare mare.
Marea taina a existentei noastre nu consta in a trai, ci in a sti pentru ce traiesti.
Am locuit un timp in sufletul unei femei. Mare inghesuiala.

Nu-i cereti unei femei imposibilul. E capabila sa vi-l dea.

Something old, something new.
Ca sa inchei intr-o nota mai vesela (sa zicem) pun si noul video de la Pixie Lott care mi se pare, ca videoclip foarte simplu, dar fain, iar ca melodie, destul de addictive.

2011-2012

Pentru ca incepe un nou an universitar, m-am gandit sa adun aici cateva citate care sa aduca un zambet de buze celor care le vad si putin entuziasm celor care mai vor putina vacanta :D

• Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
  Winston Churchill
  



• To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
  Anatole France
  



• Don't ever dare to take your college as a matter of course--because, like democracy and freedom, many people you'll never know have broken their hearts to get it for you.
  Alice Drue Miller
  



• Do not ask if a man has been through college; ask if a college has been through him; if he is a walking university.
  Edwin Hubbell Chapin
  



• Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
  Mark Twain
  


• Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors!
  Louisa May Alcott
  



• The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money.
  Anonymous
  


• It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.
  Millard Fuller
  



• You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
  Dr Seuss
  



• A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months.' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them.
  Red Skelton
  



• At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards. My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros.
  Paul Freund
  



• It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.
  Isabel Waxman